The Littlest Winslow

I can’t lie: Facebook and I are homies. If Facebook was my ladyfriend, we’d likely share fine milkshakes together while poking, gaming, reading, judging. We’d hold hands firmly and watch suns set, all while pondering where to order cheap, delicious takeout.

Lately, though, I’ve got a gripe. My precious News Feed has been inundated with oversharing – personal posts sent out to the masses, cultivating a social world devoid of any social norms. Where did our boundaries go? Have we no shame anymore? Just because we have the power and ability to share what we had for lunch with all 729 of our friends, acquaintances, family members, and that one kid you met at a concert once doesn’t mean we should. And let’s be honest: Facebook blunders of late have been far less forgivable than the simple photo of the mediocre sushi you consumed yesterday.

Look at the baby. Look at the baby. Yes, I do believe I may have caught one of the 250 photos of your lovely little newborn…that you posted in the last two days. Congratulations on your new addition and all, but your profile picture, featured photos, and status are completely consumed by your Blue Ivy Carter. Frankly, it’s exhausting. If you’re currently pregnant, please spare everyone you’ve ever said “hello” to the creepiness of your sonogram photo. Dude, that’s the inside of you. Excuse me for not wanting to see your uterus. Your Mom may care, but trust me: we don’t.

Mental or physical illness. I’m not a completely cold-hearted bastard, but if you’re a truly close friend and I’m reading about your depression on Facebook, that’s a huge red flag for your wavering sanity. It boggles my mind how many people have such difficulty having real conversations with someone who loves them, but have zero issues spewing awkward life stories, tragedy, or other family dramas all over the Interweb. Yikes, man.

YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED! You and the rest of the world. Spare me with your “472 days until my WEDDING!!!” countdown. I don’t care that you found a florist, a DJ, a caterer, or a venue. If I did, I’d ask about it. In person.  Don’t you ever get tired of talking about yourself? We don’t need a minute-by-minute replay of your planning. Remember in grammar school when you couldn’t hand out invitations to your stupid dinosaur themed birthday party unless you were going to invite everyone? The same should apply to weddings in the world of social networking. The level of wedding-based narcissism on the rise is flabbergasting.

So who cares what this asshole thinks, right? Maybe. But I beg you: Utilize the tools Facebook provides for you! Create customized lists of your core peeps. Target your information, and share with those who truly want to know that your baby just kicked for the first time, or that your Pad Thai was cold by the time you ate it. Create your own Shutterfly or Picasa photo album for your 2-year-old whats-‘er-name. Share with a closer knit circle of people, and prevent pedophiles or sex offenders from peeking at your youngens. It’s called security, people!

Although I love Facebook with all my heart, I’m beginning to view it as a necessary evil. Despite my heightened activity of judging you (which, if you’re keeping up, I mostly think is your fault anyways), I know there are others out there like me, longing for a simpler time. Times they are a-changin’ and I won’t argue – it’s way easier to coast down stream than it is to struggle up river. It’s just that serious, real life grown-up stuff is best shared over a round of tasty beers.

A new season of Survivor brings us One World, but thanks to the Reality Gods, that certainly doesn’t equal One Love. Last night’s premiere was a solid start to what looks to be a great season of Survivor, despite a faulty challenge, wrist injury and lack of a tribal (BLASPHEMY!). But hey man – at least Redemption Island is toast.

As we previously saw in the Amazon and Vanuatu – the ladies vs. gents twist mostly works. Pairing that with the One World aspect of this season is even more genius, I say. In just the first episode, we saw the tribes bickering over supplies, fire, chickens, and more, and we’re only getting started here.

I don’t really blame the men for not giving the women fire or for not finishing the challenge, really. It seems harsh, but it’s a game. The ladies need to learn that on Survivor, they need to build their own fires and take care of themselves (maybe if you find out you’re going to be on a show that sticks you on a deserted island, a light bulb should go off and you should practice your fire-making tactics…just sayin’!) Agreeing to share the chickens and then holding out is an OK move, but they definitely need to sharpen their bargaining skillz.

On Twitter, I mentioned that my friends and I are playing our very own, custom-created Survivor Fantasy Game, and dammitalltohell, Kourtney was one of my three picks. The way it works is we created a list of fancy Survivor happenings (Tribal meltdown, being mentioned for not helping at camp, nudity blur, finding an immunity idol, etc.) and then assigned each “event” a point value. We have about 20 “events,” with each participant holding three castaways. Points accumulate for your three picks, and whoever has the most total points wins. But daaaaamn, Gina…err…Kourtney! Listen to my man Probst when he tells you to fall correctly! He said it like nine times! So in case you care, I’m now left with Bill and Monica. I don’t feel strongly about my ability to win this game.

Here are a few snap judgments from what we’ve seen so far:

Alicia – You crazy. You don’t even have to vote anybody off and you’re STILL makin’ waves and causin’ drama? Classic Survivor 101 rookie mistake. SHUT UP. Actually, get voted off. I don’t really care.

Sabrina - Should’ve held on to that idol for a while. You could’ve used it to better advance your own game, or use it to strategically align with a male much stronger and smarter than Colton! Speaking of…

Colton – Dude. You know what show you’re on….right?!

All in all, it looks like the women have themselves an uphill battle. They need to pull it together and become cohesive as a team if any of them wants a shot at the million. But if Chris Daugherty could pull it off in Vanuatu, after being the only male in a female-dominated Final 7, I suppose anything is possible.

Now that the ol’ blog has reached the ripe old age of four, I figured it was time to do our first ever GOODIES GIVEAWAY! Depending on its success, I’d like to do a few of these a year to thank everyone for your continued views, comments and Tweets, and also to help promote the TV shows, bands and films that I write about and love dearly.

This time around, we’re giving away a free copy of Season 1 of Cougar Town! As I blogged about earlier this week, Cougar Town is not about milfs chasing young prey; rather, it is a fantastic ensemble comedy about adult relationships, dysfunction, and most importantly…drinking! To celebrate the show’s third season premiere…one lucky reader is going to get their paws on Season 1 for freeeeee!

Here’s how to enter:

1) Follow The Littlest Winslow on Twitter: @LittlestWinslow

2) Tweet the following message: Free shwag! #TLWGoodies Win a copy of #CougarTown Season 1 by following @LittlestWinslow View contest deets here: http://wp.me/p1XSa1-Mp

The contest starts now and entries will be accepted through Wednesday, February 29th. The winner will be announced Thursday, March 1! Continental U.S. only, please. Good luck!

*EDIT* – Extending the contest for an additional week!  You should enter! There’s totally, like, a 1-in-4 chance that you could win!

I wasn’t going to post this, but after randomly stumbling upon not one, but two sick and twisted pieces of Muppet shenanigans, I simply had to share. Don’t blame me though, gentle readers. Blame it on the Internet. And George Takei.

Thanks to Chad for posting the “Love Gone Bad!” pic…and Takei, for posting the other! Or maybe, I shouldn’t be thanking them…

Valentine’s Day really is the worst. Unless you’re under the age of 16, have been dating for under 30 days, or are just plain shallow as all hell, this blogger can’t seem to get his head around it. Do you really need a special, corporate-driven-and-created holiday to tell your special gal-pal or man-friend that his or her ass is the one you want to pounce on the most? I’m being facetious, mostly.

But dammit, if I had some delicious bacon roses, maybe I’d be singing a different tune. I don’t know if these are fake or not, but I want them. I want them so hard.

Last year, my now-Fiancé got me the most epic gift of all: a collection of bacon chocolate from Vosges. I highly recommend them. I guess this would have been more helpful to you if I had posted this before Valentine’s Day, but…well…hey man, don’t blame me for your shitty gift.

If I absolutely must: Happy Valentine’s Day.

I guess.

If you love Scrubs, dysfunctional camaraderie and drinking, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be watching ABC’s Cougar Town.

Also created by the man behind that quirky medical comedy (Bill Lawrence), Cougar Town centers around Jules Cobb (Courtney Cox) and her group of friends, including ex-husband Bobby who lives on a boat in a parking lot, her neighbor and bestie Ellie (and her zany husband Andy), her son Travis, and her attractive, ditzy employee Laurie. Rounding out the gang is Grayson, the formerly single and eligible bachelor who lives across the street.

After numerous bumps off ABC’s schedule, Cougar Town is finally (!!) returning to start its third season on February 14 at 8:30 p.m. So what has the cul de sac crew been doing in the meantime? Drinking with fans across the country, of course!

Last Thursday, the Cougar Town creator and cast held a viewing party at Stamford, Connecticut’s Black Bear Saloon and brought along two upcoming episodes for fans to see before they aired. In addition, there was Penny Can fun (see photo!), a meet and greet with the cast, and even a free open bar courtesy of Senor Lawrence. How cool is that!?

Joining Lawrence for the Stamford stop of the tour was Dan Byrd (Travis), Josh Hopkins (Grayson) and Bob Clendenin (widowed neighbor Tom). Not only are events like this treats for die-hard fans, but they serve as phenomenal promotion for a show that is really fighting for its life right now. As of now, Season 4 hangs in limbo, contingent upon solid numbers for the first few Season 3 episodes that start airing FEBRUARY 14TH AT 8:30P.M. ON ABC (Nielsen families – wake up!).

Byrd, Hopkins, Clendenin and Lawrence were awesome to chat with and kind enough to stop in boring ol’ Connecticut. Here are a few pics from the event:

Bill, man! I thought we were doing silly face on that one! HA!

The episodes we were shown were the first and fifth of the new season…and they do. not. disappoint. A huge spoiler / plot reveal hits hard at the end of episode 1, while episode 5 boasts a few epic Scrubs cameos (which filled the Saloon with applause and cheers!). It made this fan the happiest.

Funny/awkward sidebar: While mentioning that it was slightly awkward hovering around waiting to chat with the cast (we didn’t want to interject on someone else’s conversation, so we were patient), I decided to break it down to MJ’s “Billie Jean.” I mean, we were in a bar! After a few moves, I turn around and almost bump directly into Bob Clendenin in the process. I’d like to think he dug my sweet dance moves, though (they were all for you, Bob!)! Makin’ friends!

So to the uninitiated, pay attention:

1) Cougar Town is not about a milf trying to bang young dudes. (Though even if it was, I’d totally still watch!)

2) The cast and crew of this series have a ton of heart and genuinely love what they do. They are worthy of a spot on your DVRs!

3) The show is a nicely balanced emsemble, and it’s absolutely hysterical. It’s right up there with Happy Endings, Parks and Recreation, Community and all of the other top notch comedies currently on television.

In sum: Give it a shot. Lawrence and company will not let you down.

February 14th. 8:30 p.m. ABC.

Because Valentine’s Day is simply overrated anyways.

Thanks to Jesse, a Producer, for hookin’ my Fiance up with a Penny Can. It was my night’s goal to seek out my very own, and imagine my surprise when I found out he gave us one….signed by the entire cast! We’ll be playing Penny Can on our wedding day, in your honor, Sir. This I promise you.

And a big shoutout and thanks to Lawrence, Byrd, Hopkins and Clendenin for the free shirts, booze, and quality hang time. Cheers!

Movies, marathons, quests…yada yada yada…

Next up on the never-ending film trek was 1986′s Platoon. This classic was mindblowingly awesome. Super-mega-ultra amazing. What changed this time around? Despite my extreme admiration for this Oliver Stone film, I just didn’t want to write about it. ARRRGG!

Even as I sit here, I feel myself stewing. There’s nothing that can be said about Platoon that hasn’t been said before. You’ve seen, you’ve heard, you know. And its subject is really no laughing matter. Hell, I loved this movie so much that it made me completely forget all of the obvious and cheesy Charlie Sheen jokes I wanted to make. The Vietnam War was full of death, destruction and terribleness, so it seems insensitive to belabor the topic or play coy here.

This is definitely a Film Quest first: I hadn’t really watched a movie, thus far, and blatantly just didn’t want to write about it. Even as I sat down to write this, I didn’t think I’d write about not wanting to write. But still, it seems I can’t ignore the fact. I have been expecting to not like certain films, but even then, sometimes writing can be the most fun when you’re tearing something to pieces. Here, I cherished this one, yet I feel hesitant to dissect it. Maybe the quest is taking its toll on me after all. It’s one thing to sit on the couch and watch a two-hour movie, but it’s another to look yourself in the mirror every morning and be like: “Goddammit, I have to write about it today.” Have to = way different than want to, and that can really make all the difference in this experience.

I’m not sick of watching Best Pictures…though writing about movies that are decades old sometimes seems less than rewarding. I always knew I’d hit a wall at some point, but I thought I’d hit a wall on the watching side, not the writing one.

Oh, yeah. Willem Dafoe is a GENIUS and I hope to watch this movie at least 12 more times before I die.

Who the shit is more lovable than the muthertruckin’ Winslow family?

You don’t need be Mother Winslow to know that the answer to that question is “no one.” That’s why here at TLW, we’re counting down the Top 5 best Family Matters episodes ever! This will probably be the most insightful and life-changing tale you’ll read all week! (You can thank me later)

Here we go, in reverse order:

5. Baker’s Dozen – Season 1
In this oldie-but-goodie, Rachel convinces Carl to sell his lemon tart recipe to a local restaurant. But, uh-oh! The restaurant orders, like, a bazillion tarts and they all have a food fight instead! Classic, Winslows. I’m a sucker for a good food fight, too. Probably because the 3rd grade version of myself always had “FOOD FIGHT” on his bucket list. Hell, it’s still on my bucket list. Bring it on, bitches.

4. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Urkel – Season 4
This was always a fave growing up…probably because I liked Christmas. And presents. And watching Kellie Shanygne Williams act like Steve Urkel in that dream sequence. Lots of laughs, I tell you. And suspenders.

3. Making the Team – Season 3
I shall let this YouTube video speak on “Making the Team’s” behalf. It is entitled: “Laura Winslow shows everybody wassup.”

2. Driving Carl Crazy – Season 4
“3, 2, 1….1, 2, 3….what the heck…is bothering me?” In this episode, Carl gets mad at Steve and has to go to the Doctor or something. He has high blood pressure and stuff. Except he lies to his wife, and doesn’t go to the Doctor cuz he’s scared. What a wuss.

Drumroll please!

And the very best episode award goes to:

1. Life of the Party – Season 2!
This episode takes the cake for so many reasons, it’s not even funny, you guys. First of all, there’s a rooftop party, and Steve accidentally gets drunk when these mean guys spike the punch. Then, he pulls out the fucking URKEL DANCE (boo to non-embeds). Boom. As if that wasn’t enough, he almost falls off the roof, and Rachel has to walk a tightrope (!?!?) in order to save him. It’s sheer bananas! The Urkel dance went on to revolutionize the TGIF line-up, and for all of these reasons combined, “Life of the Party” WINS! What a showstopper!

What a fun trip down memory lane this was. C’mon! Everybody do the Urkel!

THREE’S COMPANY FANS: ASSEMBLEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I am actually writing about this. No, you don’t have to read it. But goddammit, you should!

When I was in high school, watching an episode of a sitcom was part of my morning breakfast routine. It just happened to be that Three’s Company was, at the time, airing on TBS at 6:30 a.m. My mom would peek around the corner: “Why are you watching this!?” she’d ask. I didn’t really have an answer, at first. Later, however, the answer became clear: Because it is fucking hysterical!

What’s better than a cutting-edge and groundbreaking sitcom about a man and two women living together in the 70′s? Nothing. It was scandalous and sexed up, and walked a fine line between obscenity and innocence for its time. Throw in a heaping spoonful of farce and plenty of John Ritter’s classic pratfalls and you have a Three’s Company in a nutshell.

My unconventional admiration for this program continued through college. For my Arts and Language of Television course, I wrote a 10-page term paper chronicling the show’s production and struggles throughout its eight-year run. Color my friend, Erin, surprised when she walked into my dorm room to find the book, “Come and Knock on Our Door: A Hers and Hers and His Guide to Three’s Company,” by Chris Mann, displayed on my desk. (Uhh…Nice to meet you, Erin?).

Over the years, I’ve collected all of the seasons on DVD and silently prayed that the day would come when Suzanne Somers and Joyce DeWitt would bury the hatchet, be friends again, and sail off into the sunset together. And for the first time in 30 years, the two finally sat down together to chat about Three’s Company on the set of Somers’ new Web Series/show Suzanne Somers Breaking Through.  Here is their three-part encounter (try not to get too giddy!):

If it was up to me, Kristen Bell, Elmo and myself would have a Three’s Company- style sitcom where we all lived together, skipping, dancing and holding hands whenever we saw fit. We’d probably throw parties too, but they’d have to be rather PG – we do have a roommate from Sesame Street, after all.

After watching these two videos over the last few days, I have quickly become (even more) obsessed with Señorita Bell. And Elmo? Well, he totally proved he can hang, too.

Watch, listen, love:

On this day, my heart grew three sizes.

Thanks to Anna from Stop & Smell the Roses, and Michelle and Co. for injecting these videos into my life.