When this Texas grandma was asked what helped her live to the ripe ol’ age of 105, she responded: Bacon. (High-five, Granny!) Oscar Meyer then delivered her cases of bacon. And she rode in the weiner-mobile thing. I hope I’m still eating bacon at 105. Yanno. If I’m still alive and kicking.
Bacon!
Thanks to Anna for the tip!
Even though I despise gender targeted marketing ploys (I don’t need “Man Scents” or Dude-packaging to make me want my home smelling awesome) I don’t despise this latest release from Yankee Candle: the “Mmm, Bacon” candle.
Because BACON.
I want it. I want it to hard. Who wouldn’t want the smell of bacon permeating throughout the room 24/7? How can this be a bad thing?
This Yankee Candle link says these mandles (see what I did there?) are coming soon, probably to be promoted heavily for Father’s Day. So check back soon, bacon lovers.
Since my darling mother-in-law posted this on Facebook and tagged me, I think she should buy me one. HINT HINT!
From the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise comes a product that you never knew you wanted. Until now. Maybe. But probably not.
J&D’s now has bacon condoms, but don’t worry: they don’t have the texture of bacon (because that would be…uncomfortable). The condoms do taste and smell like bacon though, so if you like some snackin’ with your sexin’, you’re in luck!
These meaty playthings are latex and are coated with the company’s special brand of water-based lube. Well, praise Jesus!
My experience with J&D’s products is a mixed bag: I loved the Bacon Salt, but almost vomited up the Baconnaise. (For real. There was gagging. Avoid). As enticing as this novelty is, I just wouldn’t be able to force it upon my lady. In fact, I’m not sure if any woman would want bacon scent all up inside her. But hey – if you’ve tried ‘em out, you should definitely hit me up and report back on your experience. Actually, that sounds freaky. I mean about the smell and taste. That also sounds totally effed. Get your mind out of the gutter perv.
If curiosity has gotten the better of you, you can pick these up for $10 per 3-pack at the J&D’s site. They’re currently sold out, but you can be put on a waiting list and be one of the first weirdos bacon enthusiasts in line.
While perusing The Worley Gig one fine day, I stumbled upon this sexy bacon dish towel. So sexy, in fact, that I needed to make it my own. You can now clean your hands with glorious meat! It’s made of 100% polyester and is totally machine washable.
You can grab one of your very own now at the ThinkGeek store for $17.99!
It’s a victory for bacon lovers everywhere:
Credit where credit is due – props to Erica for posting this picture on my Facebook wall, which inevitably led me down an entire rabbit hole of bacon taco-y goodness. Sure the Interweb is always good for some fun pictures with clever sayings on them, but what if one of those simple little memes carried the weight of the GREATEST IDEA IN THE UNIVERSE along with it? Does the bacon taco really exist? Can it really be done?
Well, gentle readers, it CAN.
When my lady friend and I first started our investigatory research, most “recipes” we found were simply “form pieces of bacon into a taco shape and let it harden that way.” 
In this photo, you can clearly see two small molds. If you’re looking for a simplistic approach, you can punch up a bunch of tin foil in kind of an upside down bell shape. Layer the bacon on top of it (weaving them through, of course) bake it, let it harden, and PRESTO! Bacon taco! Alternately, if you want to put forth a little more effort, you can create your mold with a thin sheet of pliable stainless steal, and put one thin layer of foil over that. But after digging a bit further, I found this other supreme blog post which really seems to be like the Bible of Bacon Taco making. I present you with: Bac-Log!
Bac-Log has come up with different varieties of the “Baco,” including the Breakfast Baco, the Greek Baco, and…wait for it…the Ultimate Baco. They also have a plethora of pictures to illustrate exactly how you should weave your meat, and exactly what you should be putting inside it. For example, here’s a meat money-shot:
Once the meat is woven together, it is then cut into a circle to really give it that hearty taco/pita feel. I sense a huge foodie project coming on. This adventure can also meet the guidelines for any Paleo eaters out there. Bonus!
Hungry yet? If so, head over to Bac-Log today and check out their step-by-step instructions.
You won’t be sorry.
This bacon shower curtain sure does look tasty, and who doesn’t want to see tasty bacon every time they go to take a shower!? (OK, OK…even I admit that might be a little weird!)
You can buy this insanely overpriced curtain over at Etsy for $65 plus shipping, but it’s too rich for my blood!
Thanks to Doom for the link!
I like bacon. You should like bacon too. Bacon is always delicious. Bacon is probably my favorite food group. I sometimes like to post about bacon, too!
BACON!
Thanks to Monk for sending this in!
You can all blame/thank DOOM! for this one!
I stole this from Bill’s Facebook friend Samantha. So…thanks!
Valentine’s Day really is the worst. Unless you’re under the age of 16, have been dating for under 30 days, or are just plain shallow as all hell, this blogger can’t seem to get his head around it. Do you really need a special, corporate-driven-and-created holiday to tell your special gal-pal or man-friend that his or her ass is the one you want to pounce on the most? I’m being facetious, mostly.
But dammit, if I had some delicious bacon roses, maybe I’d be singing a different tune. I don’t know if these are fake or not, but I want them. I want them so hard.
Last year, my now-Fiancé got me the most epic gift of all: a collection of bacon chocolate from Vosges. I highly recommend them. I guess this would have been more helpful to you if I had posted this before Valentine’s Day, but…well…hey man, don’t blame me for your shitty gift.
If I absolutely must: Happy Valentine’s Day.
I guess.