Zach Galifianakis Interviews Obama-rama on ‘Between Two Ferns’

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on March 11th, 2014 by Nick

funny-or-die-01For the latest episode of Between Two Ferns, a comedy web series from Funny or Die that sort of looks like a public access TV show but on purpose, Zach Galifianakis interviewed President Obama. His first question: “In 2013, you pardoned a turkey. What do you have planned for 2014?” It pretty much goes downhill from there, as expected, but in the best way possible. 

The President handled this mock-interview like a pro, sitting between the two most fake ferns ever (it’s not just a clever name!) and slinging rapid-fire insults right back at the fat guy from The Hangover.

The video is totally worth watching, but if your boss doesn’t let you watch the Internet, but only read it, here are some of the best zingers from the Prez (skip down a bit for the video):

“When I heard that people actually watch this show, I was pretty surprised.”

“If I ran [for president] a third time, that’d be like doing a third Hangover movie. That didn’t go so well for you, did it?”

“What’s it like for this to be the last time you talk to a President?”

Obama. Killin’ it. But let’s not spoil all the fun:

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: President Barack Obama from President Barack Obama

Also, does anyone know where I can get the Between Two Ferns theme song as a ringtone? People have a right to know.

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It’s Friday, Bitches! So here are some ‘Jurassic Park’ Cats?

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on March 7th, 2014 by Nick

shhhhh_1358409829_epiclolcom

The fact that I just saw this video, Friday, March 7, 2014, makes me sad. I feel like my entire life is a lie. (And what did we ever do before YouTube anyways?)

My pal Lindsey CK sent me this today and it’s making my Friday happy. So if you haven’t seen this video of the kids from Jurassic Park being chased by super-large felines, now is your chance. The photo here is misleading, because in the video the cats are the raptors, but in the photo the cats are the kids. But look at that cat holding the other cat’s mouth! I couldn’t pass that adorableness up.

Happy Friday, even though that phrase gives me the douchechills.

 

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Amy Schumer Gets Me: Why I Sometimes Love to Hate Connecticut

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on February 21st, 2014 by Nick

AmySchumer-41042Amy Schumer gets me. But forget her now! In true Connecticut form HERE’S MORE ABOUT ME.

For quite a few years, I’ve lived, gone to school and worked in Fairfield County, Connecticut. This area is known for having some insanely delicious food, being super-close to the best city in the world (NYC), and being on the shores of the Long Island Sound. At its best, there’s shit happening here and we’re a short drive to so many other beaches, cities and junk. So hey, I ain’t entirely hatin’.

But living here for so long means you will inevitably encounter some of the worst fucking people you have ever met…which is both my favorite part about Connecticut and also the bane of my existence. It’s not Connecticut or the area itself, but rather the people. Like when you’re in a small bar or coffee shop and everyone is talking SO LOUDLY because they want you to know how important they are. In Connecticut, the loudest person IS the most important, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Find a rich Connecticut person around these parts (which is like 9 out of every 10 people – your chances are so good!) and they’d love to tell you about the marathon they’re prepping for, their latest voyage on their boat, or maybe about this “hole in the wall brunch place that NO ONE knows about that you just HAVE to try!”

It’s all very vomit-inducing.

Sometimes, you’ll find yourself at a swank martini or tapas bar, overhearing attention-starved Westport housewives who do nothing but yoga and drink wine while their nannies raise their kids. They’ll carry on all exhausted-like, gasping at certain parts of their stories (the parts that show how really difficult their lives are), when really they’re just complaining about their housekeeper or something (which they will almost always refer to as “the help,” regardless of what they obviously didn’t learn from the popular 2011 film.)

Or how about the business douche I overheard bragging about his $4 million dollar deal…in Starbucks. I heard it because he was screaming it near my face. Did he think that I, sitting quietly with my book, gave a shit?

He was very loud, you guys, and thus, very, very important.

It’s douches like this that really make me love-to-hate this sometimes-OK state I live in. These things actually happen here. They’re real. You can probably meet nicer, cooler New Yorkers in the heart of Manhattan than these clowns in the ‘burbs.

Anyways, this was all brought on by this Amy Schumer skit I just saw called “Fancy Connecticut Friends.” She pretty much hits it directly on the head.  Take it away, Amy.

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Return of The Business Cat

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on January 22nd, 2014 by Nick

So the Business Cat didn’t really return from anywhere. I just wanted him back into my life. Because.

buscat1 buscat2 buscat3

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Self-serve Froyo… Meet Self-serve Beer

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on December 3rd, 2013 by Nick

Barrel-Republic-coming-soon2America is weird.

In San Diego’s Pacific Beach neighborhood, there’s a new bar where customers can pour their own beers. It’s like self-serve froyo, except you serve yourself with deliciously frothy brews.

The Barrel Republic on Garnet Ave. has the new iPourIt system in place. Customers wear a bracelet that tallies up your consumption each time you use one of their taps. When you’re done, you pay by the ounce. It supposedly helps bars cut down on staff needed to serve clientele and also cuts down the wait time for thirsty alcoholics patrons who are trying desperately to flag down the bartender who won’t look at them because they don’t have tits. Or something like that.

It seems like a cool, trendy idea – one that I would definitely go check out if I lived in San Diego. But is this really the direction our society should be moving in!? Self-served beer…crazy Amazon drones flying to your home…it’s ANARCHY! That said, I guess it is a good way to taste-test beer if you want to try something rather than buy a $6 pint of a heady Double IPA you might not like. Oh, the pros and cons!

This video says more things:

 

Hey…I ain’t hatin’! Next time I’m in San Diego…I’ll be stopping in to the Barrel Republic to check it out.

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Bjork Explaining TV is Simply Precious

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on November 25th, 2013 by Nick

bjork

 

I don’t even know how to set this up, but I’ll try.

OK, so Bjork got a TV and watched it too much and became hypnotized by it. Then she opens it up for us and explains how a TV is like a city, somehow? Then she becomes afraid of the TV…but it’s OK because she got a Danish book that explained scientific truths to her that now let her enjoy TV once again.

It gets weirder. Because, yanno…Bjork.
 
 

 
 
She read the truth. The scientifical truth. You shouldn’t let poets lie to you.

(Thanks to Jamie for the tip!)

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The Holidays Are Here and I’m Just OK with It

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on November 19th, 2013 by Nick

So…uh….there’s that.

The Holidays could not possibly be any more overblown, overdone, over-exaggerated, and other stupidass synonyms of these, too. Like, sure, joyous merryment to all mankind or whatever Jesus says, but what’s everyone’s excuse for being an asshole for those other 11 months of the year? Sometimes it just seems like a month-long binge of fakery to me, and it’s kind of depressing sometimes.

But you can let me know where the first party is and I’ll meet you by the bar for some peppermint patty shots.

That said, while picking out Christmas…oh, uhh…”holiday” cards this year, have a sense of humor. And if you find these cards anywhere on your journey – be sure to give me a heads up ASAP. Because they need to be mine.

TisTheSeason

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The Best ‘Twilight’ Drinking Game Ever

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on August 16th, 2013 by Nick

twilight
HA! Thanks to Gail over at The Worley Gig for bringing this into my life.

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This is Carl. Meet Carl.

Posted in Dog and Pony Show, TV on August 9th, 2013 by Nick

carl

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Cat Wearing a Shark Costume Cleans the Kitchen on a Roomba

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on August 7th, 2013 by Nick

This would’ve been funny enough without the shark costume.

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