Facebook Faux Pas Part Deux: The Oversharing Epidemic Continues

Posted in Dog and Pony Show, things i hate that you should hate too on February 14th, 2013 by Nick

82894449362364757_XcftxUat_cAbout a year ago, I wrote a diatribe against everyone’s favorite social-networking website, Facebook. It wasn’t the site itself that I had a gripe over, but rather, the usage of its power in the wrong hands. My sentiments continued taking up brainspace throughout the year and yet again resurfaced after reading Roger Cohen’s New York Times piece about oversharing back in December. Being an original Facebook launch user and considering the site’s progression and our social evolution because of it, I’ve come to this conclusion: Society is beyond screwed.

I came to this conclusion while perusing the Book of Faces one day, having witnessed one of the most repulsive posts I have ever seen. A Facebook friend was tagged in a photo of a potty training little boy who was finally pooping in his toy training potty. (I don’t even know what to call those fake toilet things because I don’t have kids and that is gross.) Now, because this Mother of the Year tagged my friend, strangers (myself included) were now watching her son shit.

This lady must be off her meds or having a psychotic break because I can’t figure out WHY someone would put their child, half-naked and pooping, on the Internet. I even considered posting that picture here to further press my point, but got too sketched out. But dammit, I should’ve, because that’s what happens when you’re an idiot and post your idiocy on the Internet without the proper privacy controls. Anyone can view your business (uhh, literally in this case) and do with it as they please.

Oversharing on the Web has become an epidemic and there appears to be no cure. I don’t really care what you had for lunch and you can save your photos plans-sound-really-interesting-wedding-ecard-someecardsfor Instagram. I definitely don’t care that you’re tired, cranky and haven’t had your coffee yet. And I couldn’t give any less of a fuck that you’re getting married in six months, found a photographer, sent your invites or found pretty decorations, because bitch, you’re crazy and I feel bad for your husband to be.

Can’t anything just be private anymore? Have we learned nothing from Jodie Foster? The flood gates have opened and there doesn’t seem to be any way to dam them back up. Perhaps sanity-cursed individuals like myself will simply get sick of tiresome, inane posts and branch off, reconnecting with the world around us, meeting for brunches and happy hours while keeping our SmartPhones securely in our pockets or purses. Maybe it’s time to shed ourselves of these open book social media users, who simultaneously complain about the weather, their jobs, and the flu they can’t kick, all while taking duck-faced self portraits of themselves. And don’t get me wrong – I love social media. But maybe it’s time to rejoin and reconnect with society as it was before, or at least have some semblance of boundaries.

I probably sound like a curmudgeon, and surely there will be some who will not agree. This is clearly the opinion of one, and you know what they say: Opinions are like assholes. It’s just that if you’re posting photos of your child’s latest bowel movement on Facebook for the whole world to see, well, you are the asshole.

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Watching This Video Will Make Your Ears Bleed

Posted in Music, things i hate that you should hate too on March 16th, 2011 by Nick

After watching Rebecca Black’s video for “Friday,” in full, mind you, many questions arise. Like: How? And: WHY!?

Furthermore, does God hate us all? Is the world ending? Is this a bloody joke!?

If you can make it through all 3 minutes and 48 seconds, then you are rewarded with the solution to world hunger. OK, that is a bold-faced lie. But I do predict that you’ll feel a warming sensation overtake you…similar to watching The Room for the first time, or maybe even The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. It’s simply indescribable.

Watch this shitshow and holler at me with the first thing that comes to mind.

 

 

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I Only Watch the Super Bowl if No Doubt Plays at Halftime

Posted in things i hate that you should hate too, things I like that you should like too on February 7th, 2011 by Nick

Things I Like That You Should Like To: No Doubt
Things I Hate That You Should Hate To: Super Bowl (bloody unlikely, I suppose).

I only watch the Super Bowl if the halftime show promises to be epic. Like No Doubt playing with Sting in 2003.

Excellent!

In other news, I’ll probably watch the Puppy Bowl in its entirety tonight.

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Trendy Shit I’m Sick Of

Posted in things i hate that you should hate too on September 27th, 2010 by Nick

Oh, the Internets – a venue for us consumers to talk and talk and talk until we’re blue in the face.

I do love me some Web action, but I fear the uncontrolled, unfiltered ways of the World(Wide Web) have only encouraged our love for trends, fads and other here-today, gone-tomorrow BS. And frankly – I’m sick of some of this shit.

Jersey Shore

OK. I get the appeal. We’re actually making fun of these GTL-loving assclowns. But they’re the ones getting the last laugh. Not only are these kids making bank (and holding out for more!), but they’re everywhere lately! They’re played 100 times a day on MTV, they’re doing appearances around the country, and they’re evening pulling a Lohan and showing up in court! Jersey Shore truly is a new low for MTV, a network that I didn’t think could get any lower. Looks like I was wrong. Wake me up when Beavis and Butt-head returns.

Hating on M. Night Shyamalan


Poor M. Night Shyamalan! Dude only made some of the best movies of our times (The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable) but he has to get shit on for eternity for a few of his…well, less entertaining flicks (Lady in the Water, The Last Airbender). Look, I’ll be the first to admit that Shyamalan definitely needs a new schtick – the surprise ending isn’t a surprise anymore, man! But seriously – the Internet outcry about this man and his work is way harsh, Tai (I personally loved Signs and The Village!). Leave my man Night alone, cuz even Woody Allen makes a stinker now and then (Melinda and Melinda).

Katy Perry

Let’s be serious here, folks – Is Katy Perry really that good? She’s been getting tons of attention ever since She Kissed A Girl, but her talent? Meh. I do enjoy the occasional single, but I’d rate her only a 5 or 6. Is that something to blab about? Her SNL performances were confused, with awkward choreography and costumes. It’s a shame Sesame Street left her skit unaired…oh wait, no it isn’t, because I really don’t care (though I did like her uhhh, outfit). I don’t hate Perry, it’s just that I think she should go in one ear and out the other. Perry shouldn’t stay in the consciousness of Pop Culture for too long, because her, um, “talent” is already spread pretty thin.

Oh, and I also blame her for Ke$ha.

Arcade Fire

I don’t have much to say on this one, I just. don’t. getit. I’ve heard the music – it’s fine music. It’s mildly interesting, albeit, kind of boring. I fell asleep to it a few times. Is that why it’s so awesome? It’s a fine sleep aid? What’s the deal here? Teach me, oh gentle and wise readers. I am pretty sure that I like any name with the word “arcade” in it though.

Loving Betty White

Ok, look, I’ll be the first to admit that I was safely aboard the Betty train awhile back. But enough is enough already! First of all, Hot in Cleavland, though mildly entertaining, is a show for 50 year old women and no one else. I’m sure my mom would just love it. Three middle-aged women cluck and clack like a flock o’ hens about something I can never follow and then Betty comes along and says a Betty-ism that gets laughs. Sometimes it’s a decent joke, but usually it’s not (nothing has topped that Episode 1 marijuana gag).

Then Betty did SNL, then Betty did commercials, then Betty did a new movie with Kristen Bell and Jamie Leigh Curtis and Sigourney Weaver, yada, yada, yada…I’m just over it. It’s just too much Betty for me to handle. It’s kind of like when Jennifer Lopez was a dancer, and then she was an actress, and then she was a singer, and then she changed her name to J-Lo, and we were all “Ahh, J-Lo no one cares! Because you’re everywhere! And we’re all tired of you!” Yeah. Kinda like that.

Lastly – Betty White is no Cloris Leachman, my friends.

/rant. ADIOS MUCHACHOS!

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McDonald’s sucks at life again, but still remains in business

Posted in things i hate that you should hate too on June 4th, 2010 by Nick

Twelve-million cheap Shrek-themed glasses have been recalled by McDonald’s due to Cadmium concerns regarding the metallic picture on the front. Yanno. Toxic metal. No big deal, right?

“The 16-ounce glasses, being sold for about $2 each as part of a promotional campaign for the movie Shrek Forever After, were available in four designs depicting the characters Shrek, Princess Fiona, Puss in Boots and Donkey,” reports the Associated Press.

McDonald’s is a vile corporation. From serving fried chicken heads and tampered meat, to sketchy food engineering and additive chemicals in their foods, it’s no wonder why the U.S. is obese as hell. Hasn’t anybody read Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation!? They even made it into a movie for the slower folk! Damn, Gina! (Fun fact: The french fries alone have over 70 different chemicals in them so that Mickey D’s can manipulate the smell, flavor, and texture of what you’re putting inside your body. Yum!)

And now this – Cadmium on these little adorable Shrek glasses. “The CPSC noted in its recall notice that ‘long-term exposure to cadmium can cause adverse health effects.’ Cadmium is a known carcinogen that research shows also can cause bone softening and severe kidney problems.”

Poor, us. No actually, we’re the idiots. We’re the ones that are keeping joints like McDonald’s open. And not only open – but filthy rich. It’s sad, really.

Just because you can feed an army for $5 doesn’t mean you should. There’s a reason it’s so cheap – it’s probably giving you cancer. Enjoy!

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Friends blows. And here's why.

Posted in things i hate that you should hate too on February 27th, 2008 by Nick

I don’t understand why that horrid show was allowed to go on for 10. Grueling. Seasons. What network idiot allowed that to happen? Oh wait, it wasn’t NBC’s fault. It was ours. Because America is full of a bunch of boring, tasteless morons.

How come intelligent shows like Arrested Development barely scrape by, only to get cancelled a few seasons down the road? How come we reward trite and stereotypical bullshit by watching week after week, laughing at the SAME. JOKE.

If you didn’t notice…I’m bitter. A conversation amongst friends (no pun intended) went sour, and now I’m here to bitch my complaints to all who dare read them. Oh look, Joey is hitting on a girl with the same tagline. Again. OH! And Monica doesn’t like a mess! AHH! YOU GOT ME! Is this the best we can do!?!? And Ross is such a paleontologist! And that makes him dorky!

Kill me.

As always, my trendy and habitually predictable conversationalists once again brought Buffy up, to which I wrote back, “I’m not even talking about it! You’re the one bringing it up!” Sometimes I feel like I’m part of a different life form (“race” just doesn’t feel quite right). One that only favors good writing, and unpredictable characters. Gray areas, death of major characters, and a few surprises along the way. Is that so wrong?

I’m not going to tirade about the quality of Buffy. In fact, I try to avoid it for fear of this. same. conversation. But I will say that if liking Buffy is so wrong…I never want to be right. But at least I’m not watching a bunch of terribly unfunny New Yorkers sit on a couch, spitting out one-liners that supposedly encompass their entire characters because (hey now!) that line was just-so-Chandler!

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hate hate hatery.

Posted in things i hate that you should hate too on January 24th, 2008 by CARA

so i don’t know if you knooooow, but heath ledger died on tuesday.
i posted about it, and for some reason, felt really really terrible about what i’d said, and had a resultant hideous attack of conscience on the subway home. then, when i couldn’t get online (as kelly and i steal our internet from our all-together too trusting/european neighbors), i geeked out and WILLED my limited or no connectivity into self-correction. and i was able to change my questionable headline (heath ledger generally disheveled and unkempt in heaven), to a more acceptable one (sadness). but i refrained from deleting it all together.
because you know what? heath ledger’s death is a fucking tragedy. he was ridiculously young and talented and full of potential, and he had a little baby girl. the fact that he was an oscar-nominated actor doesn’t really play into the equation. neither does the fact that he was fucking beautiful.
what THOSE facts do, is lead people to question WHAT will happen to batman, and PRAY that the joker’s storyline wrapped with the dark knight. will christian bale decide that he loved working with heath ledger too much to possibly go on without him behind the scenes? will they have to plug someone appropriately, accidentally terrifying (read: jack nicholson) in to take his place to save on cosmetics costs? just how freaking adorable IS michael caine? (answer: very. and increasingly. and i wish i had a cockney accent).
so i was initially joking about people’s curiosity about the 2008 summer blockbuster, but quickly realized that no, i’m definitely not joking. absolutely everyone who knew that ledger was playing the joker immediately thought about it. and then felt terrible about thinking about it.
i’ve realized that everyone thinks in at least two layers. there’s the initial thought, and then there’s the internal reaction to it.
it goes a little something like this:
1 man! that’s sad! little girl! michelle’s controversial 2007 yellow oscar dress (loved it)!
2 ohmygodhavetheyfinishedfilming?!
3 you. asshole. stop it! he died! have a little compassion! butseriouslyhavethey?
but i’m confident that while i’m probably in the fast lane to hell, it’s probably not for this. though these people are certainly going.
and check THIS out:
logo

this is more serious than serious, dudes. these insane, judgmental, hideous fanatics are serious.www.godhatesfags.com?! look at the HATE here. it’s almost impressive.and the logo? it’s BRILLIANT! if it were ironic, or the logo for some kinky fetishists, i’d be thrilled. but i’m not sure whether to laugh out loud at their ignorance, or just file this away as an attachment on my “people to stretch to death” list and look further into it later. i’m perplexed.

[sidenote: whyyyyyy, while we're hating, are we using a little red-headed boy as our picketing, fag-hating spokesman? there's no way this church is ginger-tolerant!]

but as my internal debate rages, i’ll probably just drop them an email. and you should too!
tell them that god hates stupid people.

so i was in virgin this morning, doing a bit of picking up, overthinking, and eventually putting back in the wrong place, when i stumbled across brokeback for $10. in all fairness to la megastore, i’m pretty sure that it was on sale when i was there on tuesday morning, too, (what? it’s part of my JOB), so they weren’t pulling a best buy. but i didn’t consider buying it on tuesday morning. today, i picked it up. i mean, i put it back down again on top of sixteen candles (also on sale! molly ringwald, you absolute DELIGHT!)

it’s not that i didn’t like brokeback mountain. it was kind of impossible not to. (unless, of course, you’re one of god’s chosen westboro baptists.) the story was gorgeous, the performances were brilliant, and ang lee also directed spiderman, so COME ON.
but my problem with brokeback is a fundamental one, and it’s the same problem that i have with crash.
these are touchy, controversial films. are they both incredible? yes. did they deserve the recognition they both received? absolutely. is brendan fraser’s hair incredible ridiculous incredibly ridiculous? always. do i love hot gays as much as the next gal? um. more.
BUT. but but but. these films are EASY. people who have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about “love” these films simply because they know they SHOULD. and to NOT love them and splash that love all over their [insert respective social network here] profile, would be INTOLERANT. there’s no room for real discussion of these films, because the second i say someone says something against brokeback, ie: i really didn’t need to see anne hathaway’s tits, it’s a bit slooooow in parts, (dumb) people will jump to call me that person homophobic.
i’m talking general public here, like a girl i know who HATE HATE HATES george w. bush simply because she fancies herself a liberal because it sounds hip. and yet, when you ask her, for the sake of discussion, WHY she hates him, she GETS SO ANGRY SHE CAN’T EVEN ANSWER YOU! THAT is how much she HATES HIM.
wow. what a delightfully lovely cop out. lady up.
so that’s my issue. these movies, though undeniably great, don’t prompt discussion. they inadvertently encourage silence, which is the complete opposite of what they’re meant to do.
i bought boogie nights instead.

reading this over, i take everything back. my problem is CLEARLY with EVERYONE.
and my second guessery = spending twice as much. because now i’ll buy brokeback. and there’s no way i’m trading in boogie nights. because, once again, come onnnnnnnnn:
main01.jpg

marshmallow hearts and coconut dreams forever, PSH.

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the BAN.

Posted in things i hate that you should hate too on January 16th, 2008 by CARA

this will be it. the only mention. nick and i discussed it, and decided that while we would prefer that britney spears had faded into obscurity to go dance on tables and air her naughty bits and feed her little boys those gross wax soda bottles with the colored sugar water in them YEARS ago, we would be remiss to not do a quick little hit.
i’m terrified by the fascination with this person who does nothing more than drive around. and sometimes she’s not even the one driving! i mean, once in a while she’ll hit something, but not even that is interesting.
and she has swarms of people descending on her and following her constantly. it’s a spectacular waste of resources that i could use.
my camera is sweet. i’ve had it for four years, and i bring it everywhere, which is why it has this very interesting translucent thing going on behind the screen. that’s the beer that alex spilled on it at the company christmas party. and yes, i’m AWARE that my thumb is in every photo. if it’s NOT, it means that my camera has fallen into its three distinct pieces again. i went to best buy a few months ago to browse the tv on dvd section, and wandered my way over to the cameras. the new model of my camera is inexpensive! and shiny and small and beautiful! i’m going to get it! i have absolutely no money, but i’ll just buy the camera and then not eat, and look better in the photos that don’t even have my thumb in them anymore!
i summon a geek. he regrets to inform me that i’ll be able to take 1.75 photos with this camera using the memory card that i already have. the NEW and IMPROVED memory card costs as much as the camera. he’s smirking, and i almost hit him in his smarmy little face and take a picture of him bleeding at my feet. i buy the seventh season of will and grace instead.
and, as a general rule, i could really use more daily validation. and a microphone! they thrust (ha) microphones in her face knowing that she has absolutely nothing to say to anyone. and if she does say anything, it’s either, “i love you guys” or “fuck you guys. god bless.”
in conclusion, give me a new fancy camera and a microphone (read: megaphone. i LOVE megaphones.) and more people constantly telling me how great i am for over caffeinating and being a general neglectful commitmentphobe, and perhaps i’ll write about britney’s gaping vagina.

but until then, i’ll leave you with this:

why you should never get this hot.

britney with the snake. my friend jamie and i were discussing our new years resolutions, of course, we both decided that we’d have the hottest bodies of our lives this year. it’s the year of the body and the budget. then we took it back because, since it’s every person’s resolution every single year, it cancels out.
plus, jamie says, it’s not good to be too hot. you don’t want to EVER get britney spears hot. i’m a straight chick, and I would hit that shit. even the snake would hit that shit. and it’s cold-blooded. and remember that time when she wore the sparkles? ONLY SPARKLES. and she pulled it off! now she wears fake hair and fast food on her face.
it’s a long way down, folks.

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