A Mostly Terrible Day to ‘Die Hard’

Posted in Movies on July 16th, 2013 by Nick

good-day-die-hard-posterJohn McClane is really starting to show his age…and no, I don’t mean Die Hard’s bald wonder, Bruce Willis (I’ve always loved him and still do). The series, however, has gone limp, giving Willis little to work with as he trudges and sloshes through the motions, shooting some guns here, flipping some cars there, all half-heartedly and unexcitedly. But let’s back up, shall we?

In A Good Day to Die Hard, our indelible, rough-and-tough hero travels to Russia to help his estranged son Jack (Jai Courtney) get out of prison; the mini-McLane was arrested as a result of an assassination. Willis’s McLane, however, learns that all is not as it seems and yada, yada, yada…he’s caught smack dab in the middle of a Russian terrorist plot.

Yippee-Kiyay? Not this time.

Despite some OK gun fights and better-than-OK chase scenes, there’s still a lot going wrong on this sinking ship. Much of the lukewarm plot is insanely weakened due to the lack of chemistry between Willis and Courtney. It’s as if the two showed up for a first table-read. They’re awkward around each other. Dialogue comes out of their mouths with such little emotion or weight. Considering the “estranged Dad reunites with Son” storyline that was unfolding, the actors really needed more story and background to sink their teeth into.

The terrorist plot for this rodeo was also pretty weaksauce. Sure, there’s a decent twist toward the end, but with a shortened running time (a meager 97 minutes), it’s too little, too late. The movie is over before you know it, but this time, maybe that’s for the best.

Considering McLane’s past – taking down German mastermind Hans Gruber, conquering a group of mercenaries trying to free a captured drug lord, darting across Manhattan with Samuel L. Jackson diffusing bombs set by Gruber’s brother(!) – A Good Day had a lot to live up to. Since 2007’s Live Free or Die Hard knocked it out of the park, perhaps the bar was set too high for this fifth installment.  Regardless, I can’t recommend this trip to Russia, even despite the presence of one of my favorite action heroes of all time. Unless you’re one of the most die-hard of Die Hard fans, of course. Even in that case – consider yourself warned.

Grade: D

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Happening Sh*t – May 3, 2013

Posted in Happening Sh*t on May 3rd, 2013 by Nick

Holy motherfuck, it’s MAY already!? Here are some stuffs happening in this world:

John McClane Going to Tokyo?

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Full disclosure: I’m the biggest Die Hard fan…who didn’t see A Good Day to Die Hard in the theater. Even though reviews were shitty subpar, the fifth installment of the series made some bank overseas, earning $235 million. So despite its home turf flopping, Die Hard 6 is currently in pre-production and the film may be set in Tokyo. It’s tentatively called Die Hardest and I’m already squealing in delight about all the stupidass one liners McClane will say about Japan. I’m all for this series cranking out some more movies before Bruce Willis needs a walker. I promise to see this one this time too. Maybe. (Screenrant)

The Scream TV Series is Happening

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Yes. The Scream TV series is happening and it’s going to be on MTV. Gross. I blogged about this once before. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. I just thought you should know. You can read more at Dark Horizons.

The Great Gatsby Soundtrack is Amazing

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…and NPR is streaming it for free. I already posted this to Facebook and Twitter, but it bears repeating. It’s amazing. Highlights: Beyonce and Andre 3000′s cover of Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black” (stellar.), Florence and the Machine’s “Over the Love,” and Emeli Sande and The Bryan Ferry Orchestra’s cover of Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love.” But really, the entire soundtrack is worthy.

That’s your weekly dose. Send me some cool stuff. Kthx.

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The Countdown to ‘Die Hard 5′

Posted in Movies, Trailer Park on February 5th, 2013 by Nick

Die-Hard-Bruce-Willis_lIt’s challenging to try to avoid the number one most belabored line from the Die Hard series, but dammit, it just feels good to say so lets get it out of the way up front: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

John McClane returns to theaters February 14 in the series’ fifth installment entitled: A Good Day to Die Hard, proving that God exists and that life on planet earth is just swell. There will be explosions, guns, bad language, and hopefully an overflowing sea of cheesy one-liners. (“Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.” “No fucking shit, lady. Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?“) Classic.

This resurgence of 80′s action star films is just excellent in my book. Any time Bruce Willis or Ah-nold are back on screen, it’s usually great fun. (I may draw the line at Segal and JCVD, but in an ensemble, they can also be a tasty treat).

In conclusion: A Good Day to Die Hard is being released in nine days. On Valentine’s Day. If your lady is cool enough, take her to see Die Hard, maybe following or preceded by an activity of her choosing. If she doesn’t want to see it, DUMP HER. She sucks.

This has been relationship advice, free of charge, from TLW. You’re welcome. Now watch this trailer:

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