He Totally Tom Cruise’d Himself: Braving ‘Braveheart’

Posted in Epic Film Quest! on November 27th, 2012 by Nick

I am prepared for the inevitable backlash that this post is going to cause me. I have finally seen Braveheart. For the first time.  Alright, already…let me have it.

I’m not really sure what I was doing in 1995 that may have prevented me from seeing this Mel Gibson-led and directed Oscar winner. Maybe I was attending the 5th grade. Maybe it was the day of the championship game of our backyard baseball league, cleverly coined as “BYB.” Maybe I was at the movies, seeing far greater films, like Jumanji or Toy Story. Dammit, I don’t know why I had never seen Braveheart, but in my defense, I was 10 at the time and once Gladiator came out, I never had any reason to watch Braveheart. One just simply rewatches Gladiator when he would like an ambitious period movie with sickass battle scenes, amazing acting and a heartbreaking finish.

Sooo, what? Oh, Braveheart. Right.

Mel Gibson has totally Tom Cruise’d himself. Even though I rather enjoyed The Beaver, Braveheart was the first Gibson movie from the past that I actively sought out. As if it wasn’t hard enough to take his sexy mane of hair and face-painted face seriously, Gibson had to rant about Jews and threaten his girlfriend and rob banks and steal children’s Halloween candy and stuff. (I may have made those last two up..) Watching his take on William Wallace, it was hard to concentrate on the actual performance simply because I know what a douchenozzle he is now. It’s the same reason I struggle with the Mission: Impossible series. I just can’t get involved in that shit.

On the other hand, Braveheart looked amazing, thanks to its Irish and Scottish filming locations, killer costume design, and medieval flair. It’s well-paced and has enough supporting characters to enrich the film with a mighty fine ensemble of characters. I just found it to be rather predictable in certain ways, unlike the best, most radically charged-up awesome fun time flick: GLADIATOR. But then again, Russell Crowe isn’t exactly the poster child for humanity either. Whatever. Braveheart won a shitload of awards that year, so maybe it is me, gentle readers, who is the asshole here.

In sum: I saw Braveheart. I saw it 17 years too late. And it wasn’t overly painful. Always striving for excellence here at The Littlest Winslow. Yep.

Oh, I almost forgot! I grade things now!

Braveheart: B
(Gladiator: A)

What next!?

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Man, I wouldn't want to work with THAT guy!

Posted in Dog and Pony Show on February 3rd, 2009 by Nick

So Christian Bale is a douche, aye?


I’m sure you’ve all heard that Bale wigged out on the set of Terminator: Salvation, right? (You can hear the full wig out here. The original TMZ posting is here.)

It’s no secret that actors can be assholes sometimes. Remember Russell Crowe throwing that telephone at a hotel employee? Or how about Lily Tomlin’s explosion(s) on the set of “I <3 Huckabees”? (Oh, and here’s another of Tomlin.)

Whatever. Shit happens, right? As long as these movies fucking rock and the actors give it 110%, I could care less if they’re pricks in real life. “Gladiator” was so badass that I wouldn’t care if Crowe beat my ass with a telephone….or hell, even a crowbar. Who cares what they’re like in real life. I think people that refuse to watch Tom Cruise movies because he jumped on Oprah’s couch and became a looney Scientologist are just as stupid as the actors themselves.

That said, however – I am glad that we have things like YouTube and other amazing (Disclaimer – I’m not calling TMZ “amazing”) Internet sites that can expose these jerks for who they really are. It doesn’t bother me that Bale freaked out. It doesn’t bother (or surprise me, for that matter) that Bale appears to be an asshole. I just feel really, really bad for the guy he was yelling at. Bale’s all lecturing him on professionalism and then proceeds to berate this dude in front of an entire set of cast and crew (oh, and THE WORLD)!? So the guy was a little distracting while you were shooting! B-O-O-H-O-O. Couldn’t this have been settled with a nice little sit down? Perhaps a brief chat at the catering table?

DUDE. BALE. You’re the only one with something to lose here! Cuz those same people that are boycotting freaky-deaky-Cruise won’t hesitate to pull that same BS on you.

I’ll probably go see “Terminator: Salvation” when it comes out, but I’m not quite certain if it’ll entertain me more than hearing Bale make a complete asshole out of himself for the entire world to see. Congratulations, Chris. YOU DID IT!

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