In the same vein as past segments I wrote about twice and left for dead…it’s time for REALITY TV TRASH TALK TUESDAY!
We all know I love my Reality TV and this season, the competition has been as fierce as ever. My top three shows for the season have been fantastical (Survivor), juvenile (The Challenge: Cutthroat), and also damn embarrassing to admit in public (this year’s Non-Celebrity edition of The Apprentice). This week’s question: Who sucks more? And the nominees are:
NaOnka – Survivor Guatemala
This year’s Survivor started with the always terrible twist of pitting the young kids (under 40) versus the old fogies (over 40). (WHY MARK BURNETT? WHY!?) Clearly, the younger tribe has been tearin’ it up and takin’ names. And if you’re NaOnka, you’re also tackling amputees to the ground.
Poor Kellie B., the show’s second amputee, was slammed hard by “Nay” in an epic battle over a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Yep – that’s right – a clue! Not even the idol itself! First of all – Nay is stupid. The two girls could have easily shared the clue in secrecy and everyone else would have been none the wiser. Instead, Nay decides to tackle defensless Kellie to the ground allowing everyone and their mothers a chance to figure out what was going down. Not so stealthy, dumbass.
I’m sick of hearing her whine, complain, cry, bitch, and freak out during her confessionals. I’m sick of her mean spirit too. It’s time for her to leave Nicaragua for good…and soon. Though as I fear, she might just be loathsome enough to take to the Final 3 – because really, who the hell would give her a million dollars?
Laurel – The Challenge: Cutthroat
I don’t even want to put a picture of Cutthroat’s Laurel up because frankly, I hate her face. Amazonian Laurel (she’s really tall!) doesn’t even realize how atrocious she really is. She drinks a lot and picks on people’s insecurities – like poor Eric who just lost 30 pounds. She decided it would be a classy move to call him fat, make fun of his penis, and rip into him in front of the entire cast and crew, oh and by default THE ENTIRE NATION. (Just kidding – I’m pretty sure only 12 people watch this show now, and I’m one of them).
Laurel, I get that you’re a booze fiend who needs the money to support her habit, but damn girl – you cold! It’s a toss up between NaOnka and Laurel. They’re both revolting…but wait! Here comes our third contender!
David – The Apprentice
David, David, David. Part of me is even nervous to write about the guy because he’s probably going to stab me in my sleep. I don’t know how he’ll find me…but he’s waiting and watching somewhere. Probably in the back seat of my car.
OK – Dude is psycho! Even nice-guy Clint had this to say about him: “Dave is the most classless, schizophrenic human…I implore you to rid us of this plague.” And: “You couldn’t get a job as an oompa-loompa selling gobstoppers.” Three cheers for my man, Clint!
This guy is intense. Like a dudebro all jacked out on something. I think this guy stays up at night mulling over just how he’s going to murder his teammates.
Alright kids – so who takes the cake? Holler at me…(although there is a high probability that I’m the only human being on earth watching The Apprentice this season…)
