I have some super cool friends who buy me super cool things sometimes. Sometimes I post these super cool things on Instagram, but I thought I’d share some awesomeness here to make ’em official. Plus, you might want your very own because they are AWESOME.

Check out this Warp Pipe Mug!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, so technically it’s a “Level-Up Pipe Mug” – probably because Think Geek doesn’t want to get sued. But let’s be serious – it’s a WARP PIPE, SUCKAS.

The mug holds 15 oz. of your favorite [alcoholic] beverage, hot or cold. It’s microwave and dishwasher safe, because that just makes your life easier and we are only human. According to the actual description: “Your Level Up Pipe Mug will show all those who approach your desk or kitchen that you have a mind that is always looking for new ways to accomplish tasks. You will get ahead in your career and life – all because of your Level Up Pipe Mug. Level up!”

Like, wow, mug. Those are some lofty promises!

Make your life a little more 8-bit and just buy this mug already cuz it’s cool. (They aren’t even paying me to tell you that, which is whack.)

This next thing got tons of Insta-love because it’s fucking amazing:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I AM IN MY THIRTIES. Shit, man. 31 to be exact. But at least that means I can slap this sticker somewhere with pride, knowing that I was on the ground floor of the amazing original cartoon and the original movies. If you are also in your 30s, you should absolutely abhor the Michael Bay-produced remake/reboot/re-whatever-the-fuck-that-shit-was. What a piece of shit. But don’t let that stand in the way between you and your first love: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

When I was a wee lad, I wanted to have a bromance with Michelangelo. This was before bromances even existed. I just knew that we’d sling pizzas well together and then go to the beach or play video games or something.

Anyways, you can get this from Hugo Dourado over at Red Bubble. It comes in sticker form or on t-shirts.

Party on, Wayne.