Summer is finally over and glorious Fall TV is upon us! As if I didn’t have enough television to suck up my free time with, I’ve decided to go on the most epic journey ever: A quest to watch every. single. Best Picture winner in the history of the Academy Awards!

Now this isn’t your average “quest.” I will not be traveling to the great mountains of Mordor or going on a cross-country jog or doing anything that would be of any real use. Mostly, because sweating too much isn’t really my idea of a good time, and because Frodo and Forrest Gump both convinced me that I really should just stay close to home. Although I may not leave my couch often, what better way to celebrate modern history’s greatest films than with a Best Picture marathon?

There is a multitude of classic, totally radical superfilms that I’m embarrassed to say I haven’t seen. Gone With the Wind was gone by the wayside, The Sting, Rocky, hell, even Casablanca has been unviewed by my virginal, film loving eyeballs. Bogus, right!? How can I call myself a film fan without having seen such works of art? Well, I blame 80’s Horror films, 80’s teen movies, and also the technological existence of the Digital Video Recorder. But, shit man. I’ve got to get going! If I’m going to call myself a semi-self-respecting film fan, I’m going to have to trade in some Reality TV for some Humphrey Bogart!

This idea came into fruition awhile ago, but I think I’ve already covered the fact that I’m really lazy. But I do love films, and I love the Academy Awards (in recent years, I have seen almost every single Best Picture nominee), so why not take the plunge. I’m going to watch these films with intensity. I’m going to love a lot of them, hate on a few of them, and probably get so bored that I’ll want to pull my eyes out. But I will complete every single minute of The Sound of Music, Amadeus, and every single other 90-hour long film that the Academy has deemed “the best.”  I’ll be taking notes and sharing my epic journey with you, dear readers. All 4 of you!

So where do I begin? First off – I’m not going to rewatch films I have already seen. The first ever Academy Awards ceremony was held for the 1927/1928 year. There are approximately 83 (count ’em!) films on this list! Most of them are at least two hours long, if not more, so give me a fucking break already, OK compadre? No repeats. Nagana, nagana….nagana happen.

Secondly, I will write a post after each viewing. It may be a long one, if I’m feeling all moved and inspired, or it may just be a suicide note (not looking forward to you, English Patient!), but dammit all to hell, I shall write!

There will be absolutely no Facebook-ing allowed during each viewing. The only distractions allowed: snacks, beers and note-taking (for the blog posts). No other computer-y happenings will be tolerated!

Lastly, I’m going to try my hardest to watch at least one moviefilm per week. But as many of you know, I frequently make blogging promises that I never keep. But I’m going to try, try try!

Now that the rules are set in place, here is a list of the Best Picture winners I’ve already seen. I probably liked them, but who gives a shit what I think, right?

2010 – The King’s Speech (I almost fell asleep)
2009 – The Hurt Locker (thrilling, with a captivating performance by Jeremy Renner!)
2008 – Slumdog Millionaire (a fine film, though I caught it way after all the hype)
2007 – No Country for Old Men (well, that didn’t go so well)
2006 – The Departed (see Slumdog)
2005 – Crash (words cannot describe my love for this one)
2004 – Million Dollar Baby (Clint Eastwood and Hillary Swank proved to be an unstoppable duo – what heartbreak!)
2003 – Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Quite possible in my Top 5 favorite movies of all time. Ok, ok…Top 10.)
2002 – Chicago (As my besties know, I not only like this film, but know way too may of the lyrics than I’d like to admit)
2001 – A Beautiful Mind (Fascinating. Love, love, love this one!)
2000 – Gladiator (EPIC movie – Russell Crowe may be a doucher, but damn is he a badass)
1999 – American Beauty (Alan Ball is one of the best writers and directors of our time. Too bad I couldn’t STAND this one…and yes, I tried multiple times.)
1997 – Titanic
1994 – Forrest Gump (I like it so much that I even make references to it in overly long blog posts!)
1991 – Silence of the Lambs (insert random Hannibal Lector quote here)
1989 – Driving Miss Daisy (Oh, Morgan.)
1979 – Kramer vs. Kramer (Just watched three days ago. My inspiration for this project! And the best performance of Dustin Hoffman’s career!)
1977 – Annie Hall (See Crash)
1975 – One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest (Arguably the best Jack Nicholson performance to date?)
1974 – The Godfather: Part 2 (It’s not a lie that it may be the best sequel to ever exist)
1972 – The Godfather
1955 – Marty (I had a professor in college that grilled this movie, so naturally, I had to see it!)

I’m excited, but I’m also scared. Sixty-something films is a lot to take on. Can I hack it? How long until I want to end my own miserable existance? Or maybe I’ll find some sort of creative inspiration throughout the process?

It’s time to finally take the plunge. I’ll see ya in the deep end.