So…uh….there’s that.

The Holidays could not possibly be any more overblown, overdone, over-exaggerated, and other stupidass synonyms of these, too. Like, sure, joyous merryment to all mankind or whatever Jesus says, but what’s everyone’s excuse for being an asshole for those other 11 months of the year? Sometimes it just seems like a month-long binge of fakery to me, and it’s kind of depressing sometimes.

But you can let me know where the first party is and I’ll meet you by the bar for some peppermint patty shots.

That said, while picking out Christmas…oh, uhh…”holiday” cards this year, have a sense of humor. And if you find these cards anywhere on your journey – be sure to give me a heads up ASAP. Because they need to be mine.