Don’t take this lightly, gentle reader. I hate myself. I do. I really do. But fuck-me-sideways, The Celebrity Apprentice is always a treat for the winter/spring TV season. It’s the guilty pleasure that keeps on giving. Two hours a week of B- and C-level celebrities fighting, clawing, backstabbing, and pretending to work and do good too and junk.

This season actually has a pretty good cast mixed in with the models that you’ve never heard of!

The men’s team consists of:

Clay Aiken – American Idol dude that looks like a chick
Michael Andretti – Racecar driver guy, son of Mario
Adam Carolla – Comedian, Loveline guy
Lou Ferrigno – THE HULK! (Wouldn’t wanna mess with this guy!)
Arsenio Hall – Ya know. He had that show.
Penn Jillette – Las Vegas headliner
Dee Snider – Twisted Sister singer, previously seen last season (7-UP RETRO! STILL KEEPIN’ IT REAL! I hate myself.)
George Takei – Sulu! For non-nerds, he’s from Star Trek
Paul Teutul, Sr. – American Chopper

For the laaaaadiiiiiiiies:

Clay Ai….oh, I mean…Tia Carrere – holyshit, you guys. It’s Cassandra! CASSANDRAAAAAAA!
Debbie Gibson – 80’s pop singer and star of my 6-year-old dreams. That sounds creepy.
Teresa Giudice – another “Real” Housewife, this time from the Dirty Jersey
Victoria Gotti – Growing Up Gotti
Lisa Lampanelli – Comedienne
Dayana Mendoza – Miss Universe 2008
Aubrey O’Day – Danity Kane singer (See…”celebrities”…)
Cheryl Tiegs – Model/Actress
Patricia Velasquez – Actress/Model

The only saving grace of this show is that the Celebs play for charity. So…I mean…I guess that makes me feel better for not only watching this shitshow, but also blogging about it.

This show starts February 12th on NBC. I’d tell you to not miss it, but you’re probably better off if you do. Watch with copious amounts of wine or other alcoholic beverage.

mmm. Tia.