Valentine’s Day really is the worst. Unless you’re under the age of 16, have been dating for under 30 days, or are just plain shallow as all hell, this blogger can’t seem to get his head around it. Do you really need a special, corporate-driven-and-created holiday to tell your special gal-pal or man-friend that his or her ass is the one you want to pounce on the most? I’m being facetious, mostly.

But dammit, if I had some delicious bacon roses, maybe I’d be singing a different tune. I don’t know if these are fake or not, but I want them. I want them so hard.

Last year, my now-Fiancé got me the most epic gift of all: a collection of bacon chocolate from Vosges. I highly recommend them. I guess this would have been more helpful to you if I had posted this before Valentine’s Day, but…well…hey man, don’t blame me for your shitty gift.

If I absolutely must: Happy Valentine’s Day.

I guess.