Last night’s Sevendust show at the Webster Theater in Hartford got me thinking: With an insanely loud band, hundreds of sweaty dudes with too little clothes and too much testosterone, and a general admission floor perfect for the bidding, a crowd must abide by certain mosh pit etiquette in order to successfully have the best time ever while trying not to kill anybody or draw profuse bleeding.

Observing from a comfortable rear center position just outside of the Sevendust pit, I could tell that the most major rule of the pit was definitely being followed: pick up your fellow fallen comrades! Nobody wants to be trampled, and nobody wants to see anybody be trampled. Except for those two skinhead assholes that are consistently inching too close to your general area.  We aren’t trying to live up to the glory days of “death by trampling”. That said, if you see a dude lying helplessly on the ground in a danger zone: PICK HIM UP!

Next: Elbows are not cool, especially when they’re hitting you in the rib cage or kidney. Accidents happen in the pit, however. If you’re hit once or twice, do as Chris Rock does when someone steps on his sneaker: Let it sliiiide. If the same elbow comes your way habitually throughout the show, then you’ve got a problem! Throw that fucker forward and let the crowd carry him (or her) away.

Know your scene. In some circles (mostly those of which more than 50% of the concert go-ers are either mentally unstable or clinically insane), throwing fists is fair game, in which, bloodletting is also to be expected. My advice: get out of there ASAP! Fists aren’t cool, man, and really…it could only lead to [drunken] trouble. And a possible eviction from the venue. Another major rule to abide by: Don’t get the boot by security! You paid for your ticket, and the band isn’t hitting your state again for years. Don’t be a douche.

Now for a few minors. You don’t have to follow them, but gee…it’d be swell. Watch for the dude tying his shoe. It happens to the best of us, you have to tie your shoe because the other hundred people keep stepping on it and you can’t get a solid foot bearing. Shoe tier: Tell a friend to cover you as you go down for it. Fellow moshers: Show a little sympathy for someone who clearly isn’t ready to be stepped on or hit. When they stand up, it’s back to fair game! Mosh away.

See also: If you’re a 250+ pound dude, go easy on the lil’ tikes. No one needs to throw a skinny little high schooler into the wall or metal railing. Also, watch for the ladies. Sometimes they like to partake, but should clearly be treated [slightly] differently. Unless she’s that mohawk chick who’s giving it just as hard as she’s getting it. Again, shit happens, but at the the end of the day, mosh at your own risk!