This week, Zoe from Sexy Tofu once again joined the ever-pressing, noble (it’s not) Epic Film Quest! Huzzahhh! It’s always great to con friends on joining me for a flick, and this time around we doubled it up as a Vegan-Cooking-Dinner-Fest-Bonanza! Fun was had, indeed.

I was going to write this post and label it as “My Day As A Vegan,” but that’s mostly disrespectful to Vegans everywhere, since it really would’ve been more like “My 30 Minutes As A Vegan” (I also ate a LOT of cheese later that night…whoops). For dinner, Zoe cooked up a scrumtulescent Tofu Fried Rice made with brown rice, onion, garlic, peas, carrots and mushrooms.

She brought over her authentic large-ass Wok (totally need to get one) and fried that shit up with some Vegan Earth Balance “butter” spread. Oh, right, and some tasty tofu. She spiced it up with some cayenne pepper, cumin, basil, and…oh shit, I didn’t see the rest of the spices…but what’s great about this dish is that you can flavor it to your liking. As you can see from the artistic portrait above, we dumped heaping squirtfuls of Sriracha all over it. Ahhh-maaahhhzing, as Penny from Happy Endings would say. Being a Vegan would probably be pretty cool, if only for that whole avoiding meat and dairy part. Bahh, who am I kidding!? I’d never be able to do it. But not because I don’t like eating healthy and not because it’s not delicious! Rather, I just simply love my cheeses! (*EDIT* You can read Zoe’s full recipe here. It’s in step-formation, with a full ingredient listing included!)

So I hadn’t seen Rain Man. Dustin Hoffman, man. Most of his recent fare is pretty silly or unimportant or, you know, Little Focker-y, but this guy’s filmography precedes him (Kramer vs. Kramer, anybody?). His portrayal of the autistic Raymond Babbitt was nothing short of brilliant. It just really sucks that Tom Cruise was playing opposite the genius that is Hoffman.

Can we take a second (or a year) to hate on Cruise. Tom Cruise sucks. He has zero facial expressions, which really led me to exude negative 1,000 sympathy points to his character, Charlie. Charlie was a douchebag, but part of me couldn’t quite shake the douchebag that was jumping on Oprah’s couch. And Scientology!? I guess what I’m saying here is that it’s hard to distinguish Tom from the characters he portrays. And when that line has faded, it’s never a good sign for an actor.

I liked Rain Man. I just wish Hoffman had a better compadre on the field with him.

Next Up: Platoon and Midnight Cowboy