| Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. | ||
| Jack’s friend Chase once said that he loved Kim Bauer. Jack then killed a bunch of terrorists to try and calm down. After running out of terrorists, Jack told Chase he had no other choice and chopped off his arm with a fire axe. | ||
| Terrorists dread the day in October that Daylight Savings Time ends. Jack Bauer gets 25 hours in which to kill them. | ||
| Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar. | ||
| Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist. | ||
| If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice. | ||
| Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours. | ||
| The Dinosaurs laughed at Jack … | ||
| Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. | ||
| 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight. |
