A new season of Survivor brings us One World, but thanks to the Reality Gods, that certainly doesn’t equal One Love. Last night’s premiere was a solid start to what looks to be a great season of Survivor, despite a faulty challenge, wrist injury and lack of a tribal (BLASPHEMY!). But hey man – at least Redemption Island is toast.

As we previously saw in the Amazon and Vanuatu – the ladies vs. gents twist mostly works. Pairing that with the One World aspect of this season is even more genius, I say. In just the first episode, we saw the tribes bickering over supplies, fire, chickens, and more, and we’re only getting started here.

I don’t really blame the men for not giving the women fire or for not finishing the challenge, really. It seems harsh, but it’s a game. The ladies need to learn that on Survivor, they need to build their own fires and take care of themselves (maybe if you find out you’re going to be on a show that sticks you on a deserted island, a light bulb should go off and you should practice your fire-making tactics…just sayin’!) Agreeing to share the chickens and then holding out is an OK move, but they definitely need to sharpen their bargaining skillz.

On Twitter, I mentioned that my friends and I are playing our very own, custom-created Survivor Fantasy Game, and dammitalltohell, Kourtney was one of my three picks. The way it works is we created a list of fancy Survivor happenings (Tribal meltdown, being mentioned for not helping at camp, nudity blur, finding an immunity idol, etc.) and then assigned each “event” a point value. We have about 20 “events,” with each participant holding three castaways. Points accumulate for your three picks, and whoever has the most total points wins. But daaaaamn, Gina…err…Kourtney! Listen to my man Probst when he tells you to fall correctly! He said it like nine times! So in case you care, I’m now left with Bill and Monica. I don’t feel strongly about my ability to win this game.

Here are a few snap judgments from what we’ve seen so far:

Alicia – You crazy. You don’t even have to vote anybody off and you’re STILL makin’ waves and causin’ drama? Classic Survivor 101 rookie mistake. SHUT UP. Actually, get voted off. I don’t really care.

Sabrina – Should’ve held on to that idol for a while. You could’ve used it to better advance your own game, or use it to strategically align with a male much stronger and smarter than Colton! Speaking of…

Colton – Dude. You know what show you’re on….right?!

All in all, it looks like the women have themselves an uphill battle. They need to pull it together and become cohesive as a team if any of them wants a shot at the million. But if Chris Daugherty could pull it off in Vanuatu, after being the only male in a female-dominated Final 7, I suppose anything is possible.