After this week’s disappointing, yet justice-filled episode of Survivor: One World, I tried really hard not to write about it. Why? Because I loathe Colton with a fiery vengeance. And even though that stupid little _______ (Noun) went down, I would have preferred to see his torch snuffed, while Probst shocked everyone with a brand spankin’ new catchphrase: “Colton: The Karma Police have spoken.” Or maybe: “Colton: Just. Leave.” Or maybe they could have just tossed him into the ocean surrounded by a gallon of chum and told him to swim back to the States. A fan can dream, can’t he?

That said, I don’t take pride in writing hate-filled diatribes like this.  I mean, this is TV, but these are people, right? Wrong. During Colton’s stay, he proved to be racist, hate-filled, ignorant, and a slew of other social No-No’s. Where does this kid come from…the seventh circle of hell? He’s like one of those really terrible white folk from The Help, except it’s 2012 and not the 1960’s. His behavior out on that island was simply ______ (Adjective).

Earth to Colton: What makes you think you can treat people the way you do? As much as I blame Colton for nearly everything that is wrong in the world, it’s really toolboxes like Jonas that let ________ (Plural Noun) like that carry on for so long. Dear Survivor-Contestants-To-Be: If someone admits to having an idol, you flush it immediately upon your next trip to Tribal. How hard is this? Do we not have it down yet? What you don’t do is let a spiteful little ______ (Noun) like Colton run the show. Shut it down.

Shame on Alicia for jumping aboard the U.S.S. Asshole to vote Monica out last week. Can we just stop and pause for a second and reflect on the fact that Alicia works with special needs children?  I am actually horrified at this notion. Alicia might as well tackle the closest amputee, that is, if she’s going for the NaOnka of the Year award. But getting back to Satan Colton, the world has really failed him. It raised him, coddled him, and allowed him to carry on his life in this fashion. Dear State of Alabama: You fucked up.

But none of this matters anymore Survivor fans! Cunton has been MedEvac’d, and all is right again in the world of Survivor! The Reality Gods have spoken! Although I would never wish any harm upon anyone, physical or otherwise, I’m thrilled that he’s gone. Appendicitis may be a bitch (Kat will just have to take our word for it), but so is Colton.

Bring it home, Kim.