…until we crown our new Sole Survivor! I haven’t written in awhile (last semester of Grad School is kicking my ass!), so let’s chat about the last 3 episodes – the happenings, the ridiculous Coach one-liners, and the cast-offs.

Five episodes later and we’re down Carolina, “Candance,” Jerry, Mama K (aka Sandy aka the sex kitten), and Spencer. Jalapao’s early lead is now being devastated by Timbira’s building momentum.

Tyson. I love this guy. First off, he was witness to the most ridiculous Coach one-liner yet. “You’re like my assistant coach!” Who does this guy think he is!? Tyson played it cool, rolled with the punches, and fed into Coach’s ginormous ego – a solid Survivor-esque move. Coach may suck, but he’ll be a tough cookie to ditch. The time has to be right and until then, playing along is your best bet.  Tyson could make it extremely far this year.

Taj, Taj, Taj. Exploding on JT and the tribe like that? Bad move. Like armageddon-is-coming bad. Like, have-you-ever-watched-this-show bad. I’m beginning to regret picking you as one of my Final Four. If Taj can shut the fuck up and make the merge…she and her Secret Alliance can go far! Unless…

…Brenden gets called out by Tyson and Coach for being too friendly to Jalapao. Tyson! Dude is SMART! He’s on to something. There is a solid chance the Secret Alliance could very well dominate, but at this point it’s looking more like a 50/50 chance, and those aren’t odds you want to play in this game.

Poor, poor Sandy. Just when I was beginning to like love her, she’s ousted! She provided a ton of entertainment! Wish she went further.

Spencer, however, you had to go! Mostly because I picked Taj, and it was either you or her.

I think the reason I haven’t been writing so much is because PROBST IS OVER-HYPING THIS SEASON! I don’t think Jeffy would lie to us, but I don’t know! So far, it’s nothing exceptional. I still feel like there were more “characters” in Gabon than there are here in Brazil.

We’re Survivor-less for 2 weeks, guys. A “new episode” is on (*edit) next Wednesday, but it’s only the clips show. Thursday, April 2nd, the axe falls again.

Hopefully my final 4 will make the merge. Sierra, Taj, Tyson, Brenden: Good luck! My dignity is in your hands!