Here is my commentary on last night’s Oscar ceremony, as promised. Hopefully, this post will take you less time to read than it took to watch the absurdly long and drawn out show.

Though the show seemed to be progressive (probably thanks to my DVR), it still clocked in at a lengthy three-and-a-half hours. Hosts Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were just OK for me. They had a few funny punchlines, but with Neil Patrick Harris opening the show with another musical number, it seemed like Baldwin and Martin were barely a part of the broadcast. Is anyone else feeling the NPH overexposure? Between How I Met Your Mother, The Emmys, and his role last night – enough is enough already.

Putting the awards aside for a second, my favorite parts were the tributes to John Hughes and the Horror genre. Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick began what was a very touching and classy tribute to the director. Ringwald said that Hughes “saw something in me at the age of 16 I didn’t even see in myself.” Ally Sheedy, Macaulay Culkin, Jon Cryer, Anthony Michael Hall, and Judd Nelson joined Ringwald and Broderick on stage after an amazing montage of all of Hughes’ finest work. Bravo, Academy! Nicely done.

The Horror tribute was also quite a treat, especially for this Horror fan. The two assclown Twilight stars set up the clip, but once the reel started I was in glee. Horror provides a starting ground for so many A-listers. It was nice to see the genre get at least a little recognition. Shock Til You Drop posted the clip in full.

And then the awards happened. And The Hurt Locker bitchslapped Avatar into submission taking almost everything out of the hands of Cameron and his blue Na’vi (full list of winners here). I have to say it – as much as I thought Avatar was amazing, and as much cred it’s getting for “changing filmmaking as we know it,” I was still on Team Hurt Locker ever since I saw it a few months ago. Kathryn Bigelow created a  movie portraying soldiers in Iraq that was not only gripping and real, but free from any political agenda. It was honest, relavant, and moving, winning Best Picture deservedly. Avatar, at the end of the day, is a blockbuster. It won every category that it should have won, but to this day I still think Cameron could’ve made so many different statements with a different ending. But nope – they fall in love and live happily ever after. Best Picture? I think not.

Christophe Waltz wins Best Supporting Actor and Mo’Nique wins Best Supporting Actress. Were these categories even a competition? Waltz tore it up in Inglourious Basterds. Precious was a fantastic movie and Mo was a large part of what made that movie so heartbreaking. Her speech could’ve been better, so check out her Golden Globe acceptance instead. But who cares really? It was her moment and she said what she wanted to.

Am I the only person on earth who doesn’t really care about all the Sandra Bullock hype? Best Actress? For The Blind Side? Really?? I’ll admit I haven’t seen the movie. I thought the trailer looked stupid and the movie looked incredibly fake. It’s based on a true story, but one they surely re-wrote and made Hollywood. Even though Gabourey Sidibe had zero chance in hell, I was still rooting for the underdog who sat in her seat beaming as Oprah Winfrey praised her. I guess I have nothing to do but watch The Blind Side, if only to validate (or refute!) my presupposition. I don’t dislike Bullock by any means; I just don’t really buy all the buzz.

I’m in danger of this becoming just as long as the damn awards, so thanks to those still with me. The Hurt Locker – very good. See it! While you’re doing that, I’ll promise to get my Crazy Heart on.