Must. Watch. Every. Bestpicture. Winner. Ever.

So I had pretty lofty ambitions with this one, but then my laziness and extreme nonchalance took over, and here I am! Check it out:

In order to avoid writing about this year’s winner (which is entirely trendy and nauseating because everrrryooooneee has written about it), I was going to make my own silent video! It would’ve consisted of killer music from the era, title cards (that would say shit like: “The Epic Film Quest charges onward!” and “I finally watched the one film everyone is losing their shit over!” and yada, yada, yada. Then, I was going to have one last card that said: “And here’s what I thought of The Artist!” which would then cut to me, dressed up all fancy-like and “talking” to the camera. But you wouldn’t be able to hear my words…because it’s a silent video! Get it!? Ba dum – TSH. That was a terrible attempt at a drum-cymbal-crash-sound-thing.

I would’ve flexed some serious acting muscle – over-exaggerated facial expressions, mucho hand gesturing, maybe even a dance or four. But fuck me sideways – I’m just SO DAMN LAZY. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into…well, more weeks. The point of my video was going to be that, although pretty and unique, I just didn’t care enough about The Artist to warrant writing about it. My opinion would’ve been silent, like the film, and accomplished probably just as much as the movie did for me – which was close to nothing.

Sure – it was a well-done film and I’m glad to have seen it, but man, lack of story much? So in my attempt to say nothing about the movie to match what I actually felt about it at the time of its conclusion, I probably said more by just typing this damn post. Which was the opposite of what I was going for? Ah, hell.

NEXT!