Just a couple hours ago, my co-worker and pal Zoe sent me a press release she received via her work email. We work in the real estate industry, so we frequently write about celebrity homes, hence, her getting an email with the following story attached:

“UNITED CHURCH OF BACON TO BUY MAGICIAN PENN JILLETTE’S FORMER RESIDENCE AND TURN IT INTO THE WORLD’S FIRST ATHEIST COMMUNITY CENTER”

Wow. How do we even BEGIN chewing on that nugget!?

Part of the release reads: “ On October 6th The United Church of Bacon, a church of over 12,000 skeptics and atheists, will be launching an Indiegogo campaign to buy the magician’s former home in Las Vegas. Dubbed ‘The Slammer’ by Jillette, the 8.5 acre estate with a 7,500 square foot home will be used for community meetings, prominent speaker events, weddings, memorial services, baptisms, and, as the fifth tenet of the church commands, ‘having fun'”

Uhhh. What?

It continues: “The United Church of Bacon is a church that accepts pork, turkey, and veggie baconists. The only requirement is the love of the smell of bacon. The church centers its beliefs on the fact bacon is real, and can be proven to exist.”

This is REAL. I swear to God. Or wait…since they’re a bunch of atheists, perhaps I should rephrase. I swear on the life of Babe.

The church claims to have the goal of donating over 80 percent of revenue to non-profits and charities, which according to their founder, John Whiteside, most churches only give 5-25 percent, so this would make these bacon fanatics “the most generous church in the world.”

This is a lot to take in. I know. Furthermore…their website says:

“We chose a funny bacon name to expose how wrong it is for society to give automatic respect and special legal privileges to religions. Is our saying we worship Bacon really any stranger than Catholics who say that communion wafers become the body of Christ? Unlike God, who is invisible, at least we can see Bacon. Bacon is demonstrably real.”

Bacon is demonstrably real! You can’t argue with that, ladies and gentlemen!

The church holds to a list of 9 Bacon Commandments. As per their site: “We tried to make it 10, but ran out of space on the tablets and didn’t want to start over.”

Listen, I ain’t drinkin’ no haterade – nor am I getting involved in a religious debate about whether or not God exists. I’m just leaving this here for you to consume and ponder. (I mean, surface level – it sounds batshit cray, but I’m still not touching this God thing with a 10-foot pole.)

But one thing I can definitely get down with?

PRAISE BACON!

(And Norma!)