Clearly I should’ve been doing something constructive like finishing my homework that was due in an hour or…yanno…continuing to sort my DVDs in ABC order by genre, but no…something else was consuming all of my attention span yesterday.  I finished watching the Survivor ep I had DVR’d from the night before (CHET! GET OUT OF THE FRIGGIN WATER ALREADY!), and switched my TV back over to Watch Satelite mode.  What did I find?  America’s Next Top Model.

If there was an award for “the best show I never watch in its real timeslot but always watch countless hours of when I accidentally stumble upon 1 of the 5 marathons MTV airs a week,” ANTM would totally win.

Yesterday, Tyra was SCREAMING at a girl named Tiffany for not believing in herself, and for  letting everyone down after her grandmother did something to help her get there….or something (I definitely missed some of the backstory).  How could I change the channel on this?  All I could think was, “Whoa, T looks PISSED!” and “Man, she looks hot when she’s angry.”

To add to my Day of Tyra 2008, Entertainment Weekly arrived to my doorstep and who was on the cover: The Big T.  A huge article followed comparing Tyra to Oprah and how Tyra doesn’t like that comparison and yada yada yada.

But I thought to myself…what if Tyra ruled the world?  Are we all just pawns in her quest for global domination?  What if we all got Tyra Mail?  If she owned Google, would I be using TMail?  What if Tyra wakes up one day and decides we aren’t worthy to live in her world?  What if Tyra becomes our 2008 version of Big Brother (the 1984 version, not the crappy reality show, you jaded bastard).

Model, Singer, Actress….Producer?!?!  She can do it all! And that’s what scares me.

I decided that from now on, I wasn’t going to watch anymore marathons of ANTM.  Because really, I’m just feeding into her inevitable plan to rule the world and make me her bitch.  Wait a minute…that doesn’t sound THAT terrible…