…your neighbor complains when you get grass clippings on his driveway. AND THEN makes YOU clean it. And you actually do it.

Sorry o-ye-of-perfect-house-and-driveway. The amount of grass on this dude’s driveway wouldn’t even have necessitated the amount it would take to make a tennis ball sized clump. He walks over and introduces himself to me (he’s lived there for YEARS) and says he has to complain. I’m already thinking, “I’m busy. Go away quickly.”

“Well, your dad always cleans it,” he says. I wanted to say, “Well my Dad is fucking stupid then.”

I eventually cleaned it up. In the most slacker way I could: quickly, and without an eye to detail. He can’t blame me for leaves on his driveway, nor other grass-like sources of nature.

So here’s to you douchebag neighbor to my left: ITS THE SUMMER. Find better things to do than worry your panties in a bunch because there is a miniscule amount of grass on your ever-so-perfect driveway.

Fuckbag.